Ficlets!
by Nin
Summary: Ficlets! Ficlets! Funny, funny ficlets! Short ones, long ones, laugh it all uuuuuuup!!! (Extreme OOC, multi-character bashing, and EW spoilers. The usual n_n)
1. Ficlets #1

Fic-lets!!!  
  
  
by  
  
  
Nin Tendo  
  
  
~ Disclaimer ~ What's Gundam Wing? 9_9 dum dee dum 6_6 Okay, so I don't own Gundam Wing...  
  
  
  
  
WARNING!!! This fanfic includes mature subject manner!!! All of them will be marked with "***", so you can skip them, and remain un-tainted!!! I suggest that you take notice to this warning, because I'm not going to tolerate flames about my horrible hentai-ness!!! (It's not THAT bad, but still....)  
  
  
ANOTHER WARNING!!! Endless Waltz spoilers!!! (It'll say at the beginning of the fic-let)  
  
  
YET ANOTHER WARNING!!! Extreme OOC!!! EXTREME OOC!!! AAAAGGGGHHHH!!! THE OOC CHARACTERS SCARE ME!!!!!!!!! (Watch out for the cussing Relena....and the singing Wufei....and the laughing Quatre....and the ranting Trowa....and the weepy Heero....and the...the...scariest of all....WATCH OUT FOR NIN!!!!!)  
  
  
Character bashing: When I write a character bashing fic, I bash practically everyone that's in it. The only people that I don't bash (in the least bit) is Hilde, Sally, Noin, and Catherine, but they only act as minor characters, and I couldn't think of anything for them!!!  
  
  
I bash myself (Nin) and Dee (my friend) in this fic. One of them isn't even GW, but Dee wrote it, and I couldn't let her down.  
  
  
(There is also mild cussing.)  
  
  
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***AAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!*** (the ***s are among us!!!)  
  
  
  
(The scene in "The Shooting Star She Saw" where Heero rips up the invitation.)  
  
(Heero rips up the invitation)  
  
(Relena looks down, tears in her eyes)  
  
Relena: But...but why?  
  
(Heero walks up to her, and wipes away her tears)  
  
Heero: ...I'll impregnate you.  
  
(Relena looks shocked)  
  
(Heero freezes up)  
  
Heero: OH, MY GOD!!! DID I JUST SAY THAT OUT LOUD?! AAAGGGGHH!!!!! I'LL NEVER BE ABLE TO SHOW MY FACE AGAIN!!!!  
  
(Heero runs away in hysterics, holding his hand in front of his face, like he does evey so often)  
  
(Relena watches him run away)  
  
Relena: What kind of person IS he?  
  
  
  
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(Scene from Endless Waltz, where Duo's talking to Sally and Noin)  
  
Duo: Seems they're having quite the Christmas party, so we decided to give them a little PRESENT...  
  
//Begin Fantasy Mode//  
  
(Duo and Heero park the shuttle alongside the L3X18999 colony, then break away, and high-tail it out of there. Some Marimeya soldiers bring that shuttle-thingy on board the colony)  
  
M&M Soldier #1: There's no sign of weaponry or people on board.  
  
M&M Soldier #2: Then let's go ahead and open our present!!! (giggles)  
  
(They open the door, then scream, as they are covered in piles and piles of...manure)  
  
//End Fantasy Mode//  
  
Duo: Mwahahahahahaha....  
  
  
  
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***OH, MY GOD, I'M SO EVIL!!!!!***  
  
  
  
Quatre: (singing to "I'm a Little Teapot") I'm a little hentai...  
  
Trowa: (covers Quatre's mouth, blushing in embarrassment) You do NOT want to hear the rest of the lyrics.  
  
  
  
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(I can't remember the episode#, but it's the one where Heero awakens from his coma)  
  
Heero: gaaaaah......blooooogh! (drools) goooooh! Uuuugh! V@V,@V  
  
(Catherine gets up, and looks at him)  
  
Catherine: //O.O\\ ...TROWA!!! Your friend has brain damage!  
  
(Trowa walks in. He looks at Heero)  
  
Trowa: ///.O  
  
Heero: blaaaah! Oooooogh! bbbbbbbbbbt! (blows spit bubbles)  
  
(Trowa walks over to Heero, and pops one of the larger spit bubbles)  
  
Trowa: Uh...Heero?  
  
(Heero suddenly sits up)  
  
Heero: BOO!  
  
Trowa+Catherine: AAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!  
  
Heero: Bwahahahahahaha!!!  
  
Trowa+Catherine: GRRRRR!!!  
  
Heero: Uh oh...  
  
(Heero runs away)  
  
(Trowa and Catherine give chase)  
  
  
  
=======================================================================================  
  
  
  
(Another scene from Endless Waltz, where Heero, Duo, and Trowa stop L3X18999 from falling onto Earth)  
  
Heero: Duo, I have another favor to ask of you.  
  
Duo: Huh. What's the matter? You're suddenly asking me all these favors.  
  
Heero: (singing) Hit me, baby, one more time...  
  
Duo: VOV.OV~~~~ AAAAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!  
  
(Duo runs away, making a Duo-shaped-hole-in-the-door (tm), and accidently knocking out all the soldiers in his wake)  
  
Trowa: (blinks) That worked a little TOO well.  
  
(Heero starts toward the, well, the Duo-shaped-hole-in-the-door (tm))  
  
Heero: Nah. Duo has an extreme case of homophobia. I expected worse.  
  
(A/N: This one is dedicated to the 1x2 lovers who accuse Americans of being homophobic. I have one thing to say: Duo is American)  
  
  
  
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(Duo accidentely drops a flower pot on Trowa's head)  
  
(Trowa is stunned for a moment, then glares at Duo)  
  
Trowa: What the hell did you do that for, Duo?!  
  
Duo: I'm s-  
  
Trowa: Dropping a flower pot on my head?! What kind of idiot does that?! Stuff like that only happens in cartoons!!!  
  
Duo: Um...excuse m-  
  
Trowa: Duo you idiot!!! Now I have to wash my hair AGAIN, and apply my hair gel AGAIN, and buff my hair AGAIN, and blah blah blah BLAH, and blah blah blah BLAH....  
  
(Duo backs away from the ranting Trowa)  
  
(Quatre walks up to Duo)  
  
Quatre: Duo! What happened to Trowa?! He's...he's TALKING!!!  
  
Duo: I dunno...maybe, when the flower pot hit his head, his life flashed before his eyes, and he realized how many words he's missed.  
  
Quatre: ...It would make sense.  
  
  
  
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Heero: What I don't understand about fanfiction, is the fact that I'm always portrayed as a cold, unfeeling, son of a b*tch, while everyone else is the victim. Do you know how it feels?! No one REALLY knows me!!! They just USE me!!! No one CARES!!! I have feelings, too, you know!!! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!  
  
(Relena runs in and hugs the sobbing Heero)  
  
Relena: You assholes!!! Look what you did to him!!! Damn you!!! Damn you all to HELL!!!  
  
  
  
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(Trowa is all alone in a room)  
  
Trowa: It's quiet...  
  
(He looks around suspiciously)  
  
Trowa: TOO quiet....  
  
(Nin bursts in. Her hair is in a...well...a 'backwards ponytail')  
  
Nin: HEY, TROWA!!! I LOOK JUST LIKE YOU!!!  
  
Trowa: AAAGGGGHHHH!!! Stay AWAY from me, you FREAK!!!  
  
(Trowa runs away)  
  
Nin: BUT TRO~WA~!!! I JUST WANNA BE YOUR FRIEND!!!  
  
Trowa: Get away!!! AWAY, DAMMIT!!!  
  
(A/N: hehehe...if you pretend that Trowa is Dee, and edit the text a little, you got a true story, Man! n_n)  
  
  
  
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(Heero is sneaking around a corner in a house. For background music, start humming "Mission: Impossible" or a James Bond theme song)  
  
Heero: I am safely inside the target's home. Now I will proceed with the mission. I must rid the world of her evil presence!!!  
  
(Heero pulls an object out of his pocket)  
  
Heero: "Dentyne Ice ~ Intense". Her favorite chewing gum. Little does she know....IT'S POISONED!!! Mwahahahahahahaha!!!!!  
  
(Duo runs by. Noticing what Heero has in his hands, he backpedals, and takes it.)  
  
(Heero is to busy laughing to notice)  
  
Duo: "Dentyne Ice ~ Intense"?! I LOVE this stuff!!! It practically burns your nose hairs!!!  
  
(Duo runs off)  
  
(Heero finally notices what happened)  
  
Heero: Duo?! What are you doing here?! Give me back that gum, you...you ignoramous!!!  
  
(Heero runs after Duo.)  
  
(They find themselves in a living room with Relena)  
  
Duo: Want some gum, Relena?  
  
Relena: Um...sure, Duo.  
  
(Heero watches, helplessly, as both Relena and Duo stick a piece of gum into their mouths)  
  
Relena: OH, MY GOD!!! It's burning my nose hairs!!!  
  
(Duo laughs because he tricked Relena into chewing it)  
  
Duo: Wait a sec....AAAGGHHH!!!! SHE'S RIGHT!!!! THIS STUFF IS STRONGER THAT USUAL!!!!  
  
(Relena and Duo scream in pain)  
  
(Heero gets a desperate look on his face, and tackles Relena. He starts to french her, trying to get the pioson out)  
  
Heero: (thinking) Must save Relena. Must get poison. Must kill...OH,MY GOD!!! SHE'S FRYING MY BRAIN CELLS!!!  
  
Relena: (thinking) What brain cells? And since when can I read Heero's mind? OH, MY GOD!!! HE'S FRYING MY BRAIN CELLS!!!  
  
Duo: (thinking) What brain cells? And since when can I read Relena's mind? And why am I feeling so funny? OH, MY GOD!!! IT'S FRYING MY BRAIN CELLS!!!  
  
Heero: (thinking) What brain cells? And since when can I read Duo's mind? And why aren't we all dead? And what in God's name possessed me to french Relena while she had a mouth-full of poison? Oh, yeah, and SHE'S FRYING MY BRAIN CELLS!!!  
  
(This goes on for hours, until, finally, Nin can't take it anymore, and falls through the ceiling, laughing her ass off)  
  
(Everyone suddenly returns to normal)  
  
Duo+Heero+Relena: WHAT THE HELL WAS AT ALL ABOUT?!  
  
(Okay, so they didn't return to normal)  
  
Nin: Well, excuse ME!!! I'm not the one who attempted to assassinate the author!!! Eh, Heero?!  
  
(Can you tell that I am Canadian??? n_n)  
  
Relena: That's horrible, Heero!!! Yes, we all hate Nin, but that's no reason to kill her!!!  
  
(Heero bows his head in shame)  
  
Nin: That's why I had to stop his evil plot by replacing the poison with crystalized ethanol!!!  
  
(In the backgound, Duo is drawing on the walls, giggling like a madman)  
  
Relena: You...you got us all...drunk...?  
  
Nin: Yeah. Your point?  
  
(In a drunken rage, Relena starts to strangle Nin)  
  
(Heero cheers her on)  
  
Nin: ACK!!! But you're a pacifist! PACIFIST!!!  
  
Heero: (cheerfully) Not after Endless Waltz!  
  
Relena: Die, dumbass!!! DIE!!!  
  
  
  
=======================================================================================  
  
  
  
(Okay, here's Dee's non-GW one)  
  
(Nin and Dee are sitting in a room together. Dee's eyes are glazed, and she's staring into space)  
  
Nin: (waving a hand in front of Dee) Um....Dee? DEE?! What's going on in your head, Man?!  
  
Dee: (still looking dazed) Chibis......chibis everywhere....  
  
Nin: O.o (backs away)  
  
(Dee's A/N: My first fic-let! A true story, too!)  
  
  
  
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Professor G: (singing) Mushroom, mushroom man! I wanna be a mushroom man!  
  
  
  
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(Heero is sitting at a desk, working)  
  
(Duo comes in, and starts to annoy and distract him)  
  
(Heero stands up, and grabs an object off his desk)  
  
Heero: I'll kill you!!!  
  
(He pulls the 'trigger' multiple times)  
  
Duo: Kill me? With THAT? Bwahahahaha!!!!  
  
(Heero is holding a stapler)  
  
  
  
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(Scene from Endless Waltz: Dialogue between "Preventor Wind" and Deikem)  
  
Zechs: This is "Preventor of Wind" calling.  
  
Deikem: Zechs Marquise!!! I thought you were dead.  
  
Zechs: That's right. I was. But I found that I could not rest in my grave, while Trieze's gas still flows among us.  
  
Deikem: ...  
  
Zechs: Now, before I BLOW you all to hell, can I ask you something?  
  
Deikem: What is it?  
  
Zechs: Do you have an air freshener? The pine tree kind? It smells like someone died in here.  
  
  
  
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(KINDA a scene from Endless Waltz. Duo's flashback)  
  
(Duo sets some explosives around a computer, then takes cover)  
  
Duo: So long, you worthless piece of shit.  
  
(Duo pushes the detonator switch. No explosion is heard)  
  
Duo: (pushes the switch repeatedly) What happened?! Why won't it explode?! What did I do wrong...?  
  
(A figure steps up behind him. GASP! It's NIN!!!)  
  
Nin: (in a deep, freaky, old voice) Duo.  
  
(Duo whirls around, accidently whipping Nin in the face with his braid)  
  
(Stunned, Nin drops a couple explosive connector things. She recovers)  
  
Nin: (still in that creepy voice) My computer may be a worthless piece of shit, but think of a more constructive way to fix the problem, rather than destroy it.  
  
Duo: I'm not about to let you use this worthless piece of shit to torture me even more.  
  
(Nin pulls a supersoaker out of Duo's clothes)  
  
Nin: (you get the idea) I see that you were planning to soak me, after you blew up my computer.  
  
Duo: I was planning to soak everyone here, INCLUDING myself! To stop your evil stories, I'd become the God of Dampness any day!  
  
Nin: If you're willing to go THAT far, try to outwit ME.  
  
Duo: Huh?!  
  
(Nin throws him back his supersoaker)  
  
Nin: Duo, why don't you STEAL my computer? Take it to a repair shop, now, and block my internet access. There's a man named Fred at Radio Shack. You can rely on him. Of course, go as the God of Dampness.  
  
(Nin walks away)  
  
Duo: The God of Dampness. Well, it's a lot better than being the hero of bed-wetting.  
  
(He twirls the supersoaker on his finger, and accidently sprays himself)  
  
  
  
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(From the "Grief-Stricken Quatre" Episode)  
  
Quatre: You people will never forget this day. I'll make sure of that!!! Mwhahasnorthahahasnorthahahasnorthahahasnorthahaha....  
  
(Quatre continues to laugh like Urkel for a long, long time)  
  
  
  
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Wufei: (singing the "My Neighbour Totoro" theme song, drunkenly) Lookit all my many frieeeends! Read, set, let's gooooooo!  
  
  
  
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(Endless Walz spoiler!!!)  
  
(One day, the Gundam pilots decided to get revenge on Marimeya for starting another war so, while she was alseep, they dyed her hair blue, and added red contacts)  
  
(Marimeya wakes up and looks into a mirror)  
  
Marimeya: AAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
(Heero walks in)  
  
Heero: I'll relieve you of your pain.  
  
Marimeya: (calms down) I thank you.  
  
(Heero sprays her with a powerful hose, washing away the dye and contacts. Marimeya is thrown against the wall)  
  
Marimeya: (soaked and angry) What do you have to say for yourself?!  
  
Heero: ...Mission: Accomplished.  
  
  
  
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(Relena walks into Hilde's living room, very angry)  
  
Hilde: What's wrong, Relena?  
  
Relena: You'll never believe what just happened, Hilde!  
  
Hilde: ...What did Heero do now?  
  
Relena: Grrr...he was drunk off his ass! Do you now what he SAID to me?!  
  
Hilde: What?  
  
Relena: "I'll shit on you, Relena piece-of-crap"!!! That's what that jerk told me!!! I'm going to KILL him!!!  
  
Hilde: ...  
  
(A/N: Okay, HY/RP lovers!!! Try to guess what Heero REALLY said! Hint: It's Japanese n_n)  
  
  
  
=======================================================================================  
  
  
  
(Duo is reading one of those key-chains that have jokes on them. You know what they are, right?)  
  
Duo: (reading) "To find out how to entertain an idiot for hours on end, read the other side."  
  
(Duo turns it around)  
  
Duo: (reading) "To find out how to entertain an idiot for hours on end, read the other side."  
  
(Duo turns it around)  
  
Duo: (reading) "To find out how to entertain an idiot for hours on end, read the other side."  
  
(This continues for hours on end)  
  
  
  
=======================================================================================  
  
  
  
Dee: Lets have a belching contest, Duo!  
  
Duo: Uh...okay!  
  
(They both take a gulp of root beer)  
  
Duo: burp...  
  
Dee: What are you?! A woman?! Burp!  
  
Duo: I'll show you!!! BURP!  
  
Dee: Oh, YEAH?! BELCH!!!  
  
(Nin walks in)  
  
Nin: BBBBBBBBEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLCCCCCCCCCCCCCCHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
(The house shakes from Nin's mighty roar)  
  
Dee+Duo: O.O  
  
Dee: I guess Nin won the belching contest...  
  
Nin: What belching contest?  
  
(A/N: I invite you over to my house for dinner. We are the most uncivilized pigs on the planet! n_n)  
  
  
  
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Author's Notes:  
  
  
1. (Reads over the fic-lets, and just laughs and laughs, and laughs....)  
  
  
2. God, writing this was harder than it looks!!! I was determined to get 20 of them before I posted it.  
  
  
3. The sequel will come out when I get 20 more fic-lets. Don't expect it soon, though, I overextended my humourous, and now I got a cramp!!! (What? It's TRUE!! n_n)  
  
  
4. Okay, if you STILL don't know what Heero REALLY said, it was "Aishiteru, Relena Peacecraft" ("I love you, Relena Peacecraft"). He just slurred it horribly, 'cause he was "drunk off his ass"!  
  
  
5. (Guess what?? I'm on a sugar high again!!!) FLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAME MEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!! FLAAAAAAAAAME MEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 


	2. Ficlets #2

Ficlets #2!!! (OH, the humanity!!!)  
  
  
by  
  
  
Nin Tendo  
  
  
~ Disclaimer ~ You know, the people who actually DO own Gundam Wing missed a lot of opportunities for humor...  
  
  
(Perverse Ficlets are marked with ***, while Endless Waltz spoilers are marked with @@@. Got it? Got it? Good. n_n)  
  
  
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Nin: Hey, Dee!!! I just heard this rumor on the internet!!! Trowa's BALD, and he wears a WIG!!!  
  
  
Dee: No way!!!  
  
  
Nin: WAY!!!  
  
  
Dee: Let's go check!!!  
  
  
Nin: 'Kay!!!  
  
  
(They dash out the door. Moments later, tortured screams of agony rise in the air.)  
  
  
Unidentified Voice: LET GO OF MY HAIR!!!  
  
  
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(Wufei stares at the readers, looking really scared)  
  
  
Wufei: I see weak people...they're everywhere...they walk around like everyone else...they don't even know that they're weak...  
  
  
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Duo: Trowa, how do you get your hair to defy gravity like that?  
  
  
Trowa: Have you ever heard of cow-licks?  
  
  
(A moose walks in. Trowa walks over and pets it.)  
  
  
Trowa: Well, I use moose. Lions work well, too.  
  
  
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(Milliardo/Zechs walks up to a stanger)  
  
  
Zechs: Hello, my name is...is...um...ah...  
  
  
(The stranger looks confused)  
  
  
Zechs: Er...it's on the tip of my tongue....MILLIARDO MERQUISE!!! No, wait, that can't be it...  
  
  
(The stranger is starting to look weirded out)  
  
  
Zechs: I got it! It's Zechs Peacecraft!!! No, that's not right...  
  
  
(The stranger backs away very slowly)  
  
  
(Zechs turns to Noin, who is trying to look like she doesn't know him)  
  
  
Zechs: Noin! What's my name again?  
  
  
Noin: (rolls her eyes) Dumbass.  
  
  
Zechs: Wait a minnut...(thinks for a 'minnut')...That's not my name!  
  
  
(He looks back to the stranger, but the poor guy is long gone)  
  
  
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(Duo is sitting in a dark room, holding four disfigured barbie dolls that look suspiciously like the other G-boys)  
  
  
Duo: BWAHAHA!!! FOOLS!!! They think they're so hot!!! Now they will comprehend the TRUE horror of messing with (duh, duh, duuuuh!) VOO-DOO DUO!!!  
  
  
(Duo picks up the doll that looks like Heero)  
  
  
Duo: You will never die!!! No matter how much you try, YOU WILL SURVIVE!!! BWAHAHA!!!  
  
  
(Duo picks up the Trowa-doll)  
  
  
Duo: Trowa!!! You will forever run out of ammunition, resulting in serious future financial problems!!! BWAHAHA!!!  
  
  
(Duo picks up a very Quatre-like doll)  
  
  
Duo: YOU will be so sensitive that you will wear PINK, be suspected of being gay, apologize for killing people, and eventually go insane with grief, becoming the infamous WEASEL-BOY!!! BWAHAHA!!!  
  
  
(Duo picks up the Wufei-doll)  
  
  
Duo: And YOU, Wufei!!! YOU will be frightened of women for the rest of your life, and will attempt to cover it up by calling them weaklings and unjustified creatures from Planet XXX!!! BWAHAHA!!!  
  
  
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(Picture Duo on a jackhammer)  
  
  
Duo: Whao-ao-ao!!! YEE-HA!!! WOO-HOO!!!  
  
  
(Now picture the poor souls that get in his way, either getting run over, or slapped by his braid)  
  
  
Duo: SO-R-RY!!! So s-o-o-o-o-o-r-r-y!!!  
  
  
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(Think of Quatre with a chainsaw)  
  
  
Quatre: AAAAAAAAAAH!!!  
  
  
(But, it's too powerful for him!!! It's practically dragging him across the floor!!!)  
  
  
Quatre: HOW DO I TURN IT OFF?!  
  
  
(And then...the Maguanacs get in the way!!!)  
  
  
Quatre: WATCH OUT!!!  
  
  
Maguanacs: AAAAAAAAAAH!!!  
  
  
Quatre: OH, MY GOODNESS!!! I'M SO SORRY, RASHID!!!  
  
  
Rashid: ....(starts to cry)  
  
  
(Rashid...is BALD!!!)  
  
  
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(One day, Heero got ahold of a nailgun)  
  
  
Heero: (smirks, and points it at Duo) I'LL KILL YOU!!!  
  
  
Duo: AAAAAAAAAAH!!! (shields himself with a Bible)  
  
  
(Heero shoots multiple times. Each nail impails the Bible)  
  
  
Duo: LOOK!!! The Bible really IS 'holey'!!!  
  
  
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@@@  
  
  
(The scene where Noin picks up Zechs after he destroys MO-II)  
  
  
Zechs: (nose buried in book) Is that you, Noin?  
  
  
Noin: (smiles) I've come to pick you up, Zechs.  
  
  
(silence decends upon them)  
  
  
(Noin looks like she's about to say something, but then changes her mind, and says:)  
  
  
Noin: Zechs, why are you reading? ...I'm trying to talk to you.  
  
  
Zechs: ...Some smartass decided to put glue in my book. I got really into this one scene, and now my nose is stuck. (He lets go of the book to prove it) I am seriously going to kill someone for this.  
  
  
(A snicker is heard over the radio com-link. Lo and behold, Duo's face appears)  
  
  
Duo: Hehehe...hiyah, Zechsy!!! I see that you've gotten yourself a new mask!!! Quite the fashion statement!!!  
  
  
Zechs: (he has cut eye-holes in the book) MAXWELL!!!  
  
  
(The pages of the book flutter because of his shout. Zechs gets a lot of paper cuts)  
  
  
Zechs: OWIE!!!  
  
  
Duo: BWAHAHA!!! THE GOD OF DEATH LIVES AGAIN!!!  
  
  
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(Here's something to think about: "Me, myself,...and Trieze")  
  
  
(The infamous road-trip scene)  
  
  
Une: Nothing like the open road!!! (bzzzzzzzzz....THWACK!!!)  
  
  
(The 'cotton-mouth' scene)  
  
  
Une: These pills give me unbelievable cotton-mouth...(her lips slide over her teeth, making a zipper-like sound)  
  
  
(Now, imagine three bad-mouthed Mariemeya's sitting on the couch with Une)  
  
  
Mariemeyas: beep!!! BEEP!!! bleeeeeeeeeeeeeep!!!  
  
  
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(WARNING!!! THE FOLLOWING TWO FICLETS INCLUDES ABSOLUTELY TERRIBLE ACTING!!!)  
  
  
Quatre: GASP!!! The house is on fire!!!  
  
  
Duo: Whatever shall we do?!  
  
  
Quatre: I don't know, Duo!!! We're three feet from the door!!! We'll never make it!!!  
  
  
Duo: (bawls) What a lame way to die...  
  
  
Voice: NEVER FEAR!!!  
  
  
(Duo and Quatre turn to look at the mysterious person)  
  
  
(It's HEERO!!! He's wearing a bed-sheet as a make-shift cape, too!!!)  
  
  
Heero: SUPER HEERO IS HERE!!!  
  
  
Quatre: ...What a lame name.  
  
  
Duo: Get an imagination, you creep!!!  
  
  
(Quatre and Duo walk out of the house, passing a total of fifteen fire-extinguishers. Heero runs after them)  
  
  
Heero: No, wait! I CAN be a superhero...er, SUPER HEERO!!! I CAN!!!  
  
  
Quatre/Duo: GET A LIFE!!!  
  
  
=============================================================================  
  
  
(LOOK!!! It's an evil villian's hideout!!! OH, NO!!! THEY HAVE ALL THE WORLD'S HAIR CARE PRODUCTS AS HOSTAGES!!! WHO WILL SAVE THE WORLD FROM THIS EVIL PLOT?!)  
  
  
Evil Man: BWAHAHA!!! NO ONE WILL STOP US NOW!!!  
  
  
Voice: HALT, FIENDS!!!  
  
  
Evil Man: GASP!!! Who are YOU?! And how did you manage to break through our crappy defenses?!  
  
  
Voice: (chuckle) I am....  
  
  
(A figure steps out of the shadows. It's DUO!!!)  
  
  
Duo: THE DYNAMIC DUO!!!  
  
  
Evil Man: HA!!! YOU?! YOU plan to stop us?! One...BOY against my entire evil army?! A scrawny boy, at that!!!  
  
  
Duo: GRR!!!  
  
  
Evil Man: BWAHAHA...ha? Wait a moment!!! The kid said "duo"!!! I've seen this episode before!!! You were sent to distract me, while the more powerful, buff man is hidden away in the rafters, waiting to strike!!! Is that it?! Huh?! HA!!! I can see right through you, kid!!!  
  
  
Duo: ...?  
  
  
Evil Man: Well, your plan is in ruins!!! SOLDIERS!!! READY, AIM, FIRE!!!  
  
  
(The evil soldiers fire everthing they have into the rafters. Surely, everything up there is now deceased)  
  
  
Evil Man: BWAHAHA!!! The day you outwit me, is the day I (creak)...die?  
  
  
(CRASH!!! THE CEILING HAS CAVED IN ON THE EVIL MAN AND HIS SOLDIERS!!!)  
  
  
Duo: (cries) No one ever takes me seriously...  
  
  
=============================================================================  
  
  
(Uh, I'm not sure if I spelled them right, but a 'duvey' is a really awesome blanket full of feathers, and a 'bedai' is a toilet thing that washes your arse for you, fountain-style!!! n_n)  
  
  
Duo: IT'S HERE!!!  
  
  
(Heero, Trowa, and Wufei look up)  
  
  
Trowa: What's 'here'?  
  
  
Duo: (smiling, and holding a large crate) My duvey is here!!!  
  
  
Heero: Why in God's name did you buy a toilet that washes your ass for you?  
  
  
Duo: I got a DUVEY, not a BEDAI!!!  
  
  
Wufei: (opens the crate) It's a toilet.  
  
  
Duo: WHAT?! (looks) DAMMIT!!! They must have mixed up my order or something. (sighs) Well, as long as we have it, we should make use of it. (He sets it up in the bathroom)  
  
  
(A few minutes later, a flush is heard, followed by a loud shout)  
  
  
Voice: What the F*CK?!  
  
  
Duo: ...I guess no one bothered to tell Quatre...  
  
  
=============================================================================  
  
  
@@@  
  
  
*** (Now, this one IS perverted. REALLY perverted. STAY AWAY!!!)  
  
  
(The scene where Sally knocks out the guards with nerve gas {or whatever}. I want some of that!!! n_n)  
  
  
(Sally leans over, and lets loose a really rank one. lol)  
  
  
M&M Soldier: ARGH!!! What's that SMELL?!  
  
  
(M&M Soldier swaggers around, trying to remain conscious)  
  
  
(Sally walks around the corner)  
  
  
Sally: I'm sorry, but I have to put you to sleep for a mo--  
  
  
(The M&M Soldier lurches forward, grabbing Sally's breasts in a daze)  
  
  
Sally: EEEEEEEEEK!!! RAPE!!! PERVERT!!!  
  
  
(Sally pummels the poor M&M Soldier with a mallet that has mysteriously appeared in her hands)  
  
  
=============================================================================  
  
  
@@@  
  
  
(The scene where Catherine and 'Manager' chuckle are being held hostage)  
  
  
(Catherine is banging on the walls, screaming, and running over everyone)  
  
  
Catherine: LET ME OUT!!! I GOTTA GO TO THE BATHROOM!!! I KNEW THAT I SHOULDN'T HAVE EATEN TROWA'S CHILI!!!  
  
  
=============================================================================  
  
  
(Heero is busy typing on his labtop. Duo runs up, and practically screams in his ear)  
  
  
Duo: Whacha doin', Heero?!  
  
  
Heero: (answers so Duo would go away) I am typing up my essay for school.  
  
  
Duo: What's it about?!  
  
  
Heero: (starting to get irritated) My essay is about which procedures are the best way to attain ultimate peace.  
  
  
Duo: So which procedure do you support?! I betcha that you're gonna say pasifism, like your GIRLFRIEND!!!  
  
  
Heero: (DEATH GLARE(tm))  
  
  
Duo: You didn't deny it!!! Man, you're really stuck on her, aren't cha?! When's the weddin'?!  
  
  
Heero: I'LL KILL YOU!!!  
  
  
Duo: What?! You wanna fight?! C'mon!!! I'm ready fo' ya!!! Gimme your best shot!!!  
  
  
(Suddenly, all the anger vanishes from Heero, and he smiles pleasently)  
  
  
Duo: (caught off guard) Wha?! (His defense falls through)  
  
  
(Heero punches him in the stomach)  
  
  
Duo: No...my Achillies Heel...(collapses)  
  
  
Heero: I keep telling you to eat healthy food, but you don't listen.  
  
  
Duo: Can I have some sympathy here?  
  
  
Heero: ...No.  
  
  
=============================================================================  
  
  
(Does anybodu recognize this? ...It's a commercial...n_n)  
  
  
(Quatre, reading a newspaper, sits down in his armchair. A fart is heard. Quatre look around, confused)  
  
  
(Scene switches)  
  
  
(Trowa site down at the kitchen table, reading a book. A fart is heard. Trowa absently removed the Whoopie cushion from the chair, and puts it on the table)  
  
  
(Scene switcheroo)  
  
  
(Wufei sits at his desk to finish his homework. A fart is heard. Wufei sees red)  
  
  
(Scene switchermaggiger)  
  
  
Wufei: (offscreen) MAXWELL!!!  
  
  
Duo: (offscreem) WHAT?! I'M ON THE TOILET!!! A LITTLE PRIVACY, PLEASE?!  
  
  
Heero: (snickers while sipping his Lipton Chicken Noodle soup)  
  
  
Announcer: Kids never get tired of what they like.  
  
  
Singers: (offscreen) Yummy, yummy, yummy...  
  
  
=============================================================================  
  
  
Duo: Hey, Quatre!!! Did you hear about--  
  
  
Quatre: The person who's been setting zoo animals free? Yes, I've heard. Trowa refuses to leave the circus animals by themselves, and it's all he talks about.  
  
  
Duo: Really? ...I suspected that Trowa was the one doing it.  
  
  
Quatre: Nope. He was busy setting up another security system during the last 'attack'.  
  
  
Duo: I wonder who's doing it then...  
  
  
(Scene switches to a zoo, where a man is letting birds out of their cages)  
  
  
Trieze: Be FREE!!! FREE!!! (cackle)  
  
  
=============================================================================  
  
  
*** (...KINDA perverted)  
  
  
(Okay, pretend that Mr. Winner dies like Mr. Dorlain did)  
  
  
Quatre: FATHER!!!  
  
  
Mr. Winner: Quatre...I have a confession to make...I'm not your biological father...  
  
  
Quatre: But...what are you saying...? I don't understand...  
  
  
Mr. Winner: Your mother got sick of my low sperm count, and had an affair with Instructor H...  
  
  
(Mr. Winner dies)  
  
  
Quatre: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!  
  
  
(Hey...maybe THAT'S why Quatre went insane...hmmm...n_n)  
  
  
=============================================================================  
  
  
(I'm assuming that most of you have seen "Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls". If not...watch it. It's so stupid, it's funny!!! n_n)  
  
  
(The scene where Sandrock self-detonates. It goes smoothly...until Sandrock blew up WAY too early. Quatre, who had turned to look at Sandrock one final time, gets impailed by two large pieces of shrapnel, one in each leg)  
  
  
Quatre: (looks at one leg) AAAAAAAH!!! (looks at the other leg) AAAAAAAH!!! (points at one leg) AAAAAAAH!!! (points at the other leg) AAAAAAAH!!! (does a little 'I am in extreme pain' dance) It's in the bone...! It's in the bone...!  
  
  
(For some reason that I cannot fathom, Quatre survives. He's immune to stab wounds, I suppose...n_n  
  
  
=============================================================================  
  
  
And....THAT'S A WRAP!!! I'll add more when I get 20 more ficlet ideas!!!  
  
  
1. ...I really need to find some constructive ways to make fun of Hilde, Noin, and Dorothy. I'll try to think of some to put in the next 'episode'. Maybe I'll make fun of some minor characters, too. And I need more Relena ideas (uncliche Relena ideas...hey! I think I just got one!!! n_n)  
  
  
2. To my dearest fans: I'm sorry that I haven't posted anything for a while. Lately, I've been switching from 'Gundam 1/2' to 'Eek! Save My Earth' to 'Epilogue' to this NEW idea, which I've lovingly named 'Pet Peeve'. Sadly, I'll most likely continue to switch between them, but the good news is that they'll probably end up being posted at about the same time. Be patient, and thou shall be satisfied...n_n  
  
  
3. A challenge: Read all the previous ficlets in 'chibi-talk' and try not to laugh!!!  
  
  
4. I spelled 'minute' wrong on purpose. lol Sorry if I confused anyone. n_n 


End file.
